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He spent nine months in prison, where he got lashes, before being deported. Still, he opted to return; he loves his work in fashion, which pays decently, and the social opportunities are an added bonus. On this occasion, I was accompanied by Misfir, 34, who was showing me how to navigate Paltalk , a Web site similar to the one where he met his boyfriend three and a half years ago.

Within minutes, I had more admirers than I could handle. He went on to write that he kept his sexual preference a secret from just about everyone, including his wife of five years.

I told him I was a journalist, and we chatted for a bit. I asked him if we could meet. He was hesitant, but he seemed curious to find out whether I was for real. We arranged to get together that evening at the Starbucks on Tahlia Street. I waited for him in the family section, which opens out onto the mall and is surrounded by a screen of plants. A mall guard patrolled just outside. At first, Anajedtop avoided my eyes, directing his comments to my male interpreter.

He abandoned this weak cover story as our conversation progressed. He claimed to prefer women, though he admitted that few women frequent the Gulf Arab Love chat room. A gay is against the norm.

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Anybody can be a top, but only a gay can be a bottom. The call to prayer sounded over a loudspeaker, and his leg began shaking more insistently; he put a hand on his knee in a futile attempt to still it. The guard hovered. In Western society, homosexuality changed from being a behavior what you do to an identity who you are.

In the Middle East, however, homosexual behavior remained just that—an act, not an orientation. That is not to say that Middle Eastern men who had sex with other men were freely tolerated. But they were not automatically labeled deviant.

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The taxonomy revolved around the roles of top and bottom, with little stigma attaching to the top. Murray explains in the compilation Islamic Homosexualities: Culture, History, and Literature. A bottom was not locked into his inferior status, however; he could, and was expected to, leave the role behind as he grew older. However much this may seem like sophistry, it is in keeping with a long-standing Muslim tradition of accommodating homosexual impulses, if not homosexual identity.

In 19th-century Iran, a young beardless adolescent was considered an object of beauty—desired by men—who would grow naturally into an older bearded man who desired youthful males. Gender and Sexual Anxieties of Iranian Modernity. Abubaker Bagader, a human-rights activist based in Jeddah, explained that homosexuality can be viewed as a phase.

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Yasmin, the student who told me about the lesbian enclave at her college, said that her year-old brother, along with many boys his age, has been targeted by his male elders as a sexual object. If a smooth-faced boy walks by, they all stop and make approving comments. Yet a paradox exists at the heart of Saudi conceptions of gay sex and sexual identity: Despite their seemingly flexible view of sexuality, most of the Saudis I interviewed, including those men who identify themselves as gay, consider sodomy a grave sin.

During Ramadan, my Jeddah tour guide, Yasser, abstains from sex. His sense of propriety is widely shared: Few gay parties occur in the country during the holy month. If you practice something forbidden and keep it quiet, God might forgive you. What he found surprised him. On the other hand, to have illegal sex between a man and a woman, there are very clear rules and sub-rules.

Indeed, the Koran does not contain rules about homosexuality, says Everett K. Rowson, a professor at New York University who is working on a book about homosexuality in medieval Islamic society. The story of Lot is rendered in the Koran much as it is in the Old Testament. The men refuse to heed him and are punished by a shower of brimstone.

Their defiance survives linguistically: Zina is explicitly condemned:. The punishment for it is later spelled out: The Koran does not offer such direct guidance on what to do about sodomy. Many Islamic scholars analogize the act to zina to determine a punishment, and some go so far as to say the two sins are the same. Is it zina or lesbianism?

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It is hard to say. The second verse is also ambiguous:. So again—sodomy, or zina? For many centuries, Rowson says, these verses were widely thought to pertain to zina , but since the early 20th century, they have been largely assumed to proscribe homosexual behavior. He and most other scholars in the field believe that at about that time, Middle Eastern attitudes toward homosexuality fundamentally shifted. Though same-sex practices were considered taboo, and shameful for the bottom, same-sex desire had long been understood as a natural inclination.

For example, Abu Nuwas—a famous eighth-century poet from Baghdad—and his literary successors devoted much ink to the charms of attractive boys. At the turn of the century, Islamic society began to express revulsion at the concept of homosexuality, even if it was confined only to lustful thoughts, and this distaste became more pronounced with the influx of Western media.

Even Muhammad ibn Abd al-Wahhab—the 18th- century religious scholar who founded Wahhabism—seems to draw a distinction between homosexual desires and homosexual acts, according to Natana DeLong-Bas, the author of Wahhabi Islam: From Revival and Reform to Global Jihad The closest Abd al-Wahhab came to touching upon the topic of homosexuality was in a description of an effeminate man who is interested in other men at a wedding banquet.

His tone here is tolerant rather than condemnatory; as long as the man controls his urges, no one in the community has the right to police him. In the remaining four, the most important citation reads: It may have provided the authority for the execution this February. Judges will go out of their way to avoid finding that an act of sodomy has occurred, however.

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The gay men I interviewed in Jeddah and Riyadh laughed when I asked them if they worried about being executed. For one thing, such an effort might expose members of the royal family to awkward scrutiny. In addition, the power of the mutawwa'in is limited by the Koran, which frowns upon those who intrude on the privacy of others in order to catch them in sinful acts.

The mandate of the Committee on the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice is specifically to regulate behavior in the public realm. What occurs behind closed doors is between a believer and God. This seems to be the way of the kingdom: Cinemas are forbidden, but people watch pirated DVDs. Drinking is illegal, but alcohol flows at parties.

Women wrap their bodies and faces in layers of black, but pornography flourishes. Gay men thrive in this atmosphere. I can be flamboyant in my house, but not outside.

This strikes many Saudis as a reasonable accommodation. Court records in Saudi Arabia are generally closed, but anecdotal evidence suggests that the mutawwa'in are most likely to punish men who are overtly effeminate— those whose public behavior advertises a gayness that others keep private.

Filipinos, who have little influence and less familiarity with the demands of a double life, seem to be especially vulnerable. He used to wear his thick black hair down to his shoulders, concealing it with a baseball cap in public, until recently, when he ran into a man in a shortened thawb at a coffee shop.

The mutawwa asked for his work permit. This might be the most infuriating argument and the one with the least intellectual depth. Puddles are deeper than this. To imply that you were born finding black people unattractive is to say that race-based discrimination is genetic. Sexual desire and socialization are linked. To act as though the two exist in mutually exclusive contextual vacuums is intellectually dishonest and only absolves blame from the abusers.

I'm a black woman. He's a white guy with a pickup truck. Here's what happened

We like the things we like because we grow up learning that they are good, beautiful, and normal. White faces are sold as the forefront of everything, to be sought after and adored. Johnson — in his film, Stonewall. This blatant rewriting of history only further shows a problem the community suffers as a whole. White gay men have sanitized and commoditized the culture of queer people of color while giving us no credit and even less respect. Interracial dating was such a provocative thing that it was illegal in many places — just like sodomy!

These laws existed because interracial dating was seen as a disruption to the purity of the white race, since black people and other people of color were considered inferior. The view that black people are of an inferior race and therefore unfit to date white people is racism. White people argued that it was of the natural order for blacks to be with blacks and whites to be with whites.

By setting white people as the standard, people of color are seen as others. We are commoditized and fetishized, then discarded when we're no longer needed. It's complicated — you may not mean to be racist or to hurt anyone's feelings, but it doesn't make your behavior any less racist, and this isn't about your sensitivities.

You already came out. That was hard enough. Now what if you bring a black dude home? Who wants to rock that Thanksgiving gravy boat? It'd be easier to just bring home a boy that looks and acts like you.